Friday, December 19, 2008

No Time To Repent
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It is neither an article nor a story, but these are my feelings, in which you may not be interested, but I would urge you to continue reading. My relationship with my mom was very critical as any young adult girl would have. I always misunderstood my mom like hell, but was she worth my ignorance and rude tantrums?


I will be revealing this story because you are with me in this journey and I feel that you should know what the actual meaning of life is and what exactly mother is. It’s well said that whatever you see has two sides, two people may see same thing, but they analyze and evaluate it differently, because different people have different perceptions. Same thing happened with me as well.

I always wanted to live life on my own terms. I tried to do everything, what mom didn’t like. She didn’t like me roaming with those frivolous boys and stupid girls, who always lied to their parents and slept with their colleagues for few bucks to fill their pockets. We did party every night and bunked school and lectures since I grew up. I always tortured and lied to my mom.
I can define my relation with my Mom with a single word, HATE. I hated her because she stopped me from doing everything wrong, yes wrong! She tried to stop me at that time too, when I became a well known doper in my college, I did all this simply because I wanted to hurt her. My mom loved me a lot and I hated her a lot throughout her life! I don’t know why. What was the reason to hate her so much?

It may be because of that childhood memory, which is blurred and still not clear. That memory still haunts me and makes my senses go feeble and blocks my mind. Dad passed away when I was just 3 years old. I was 6 years, when one day I saw my mother going with some other man at night. It was raining heavily and street poured out like well.

I said: “Mom wait, brother is waiting at home and he wants you to be with him, he is not well, he needs you”. I wanted her to listen, to look after my brother and give the care he needed.
My brother had severe fever and he needed mom. But she didn’t listen, and moved on. My brother died. I blamed mom for that. If she would have stayed and treated my brother with some medicines and called some doctor, then he would have been saved. I loved my brother a lot, he was the only possession left with me. We used to cry, laugh and play together. Once he broke my favorite doll but I didn’t say any thing to him because I loved him more then anything in my life. He said-“Sorry, I will bring another one for you” but I said-“it’s ok Nanu!” I used to call him Nanu by love. I continued-“You are more important to me not this doll”. He was very innocent and adorable. I cuddled him like a baby.

Anyways, days passed by and I still couldn’t find who that man was. I tried to ask, but she turned mute. Mom was not well one day and she suffered from cancer. I called doctor but it was of no use because it was too late. She hid her disease from me since years. At night when she was suffering from heavy bloody vomiting, somehow I felt a strange satisfaction in watching her suffer.

I felt, she is paying price of killing my brother. Now my brother’s soul would get some peace. Suddenly a man came out of the limousine and walked towards my mother. She tried to speak but couldn’t talk because of the blood that totally blocked her mouth. She tried to stop that man as if she wanted to stop that man and requested him not to tell anything but the man didn’t listen. He knew my attitude towards my mom. Before my mom could utter anything, she died. The man continued:

“She picked a bud thrown away; many years back from the unknown street of Goa and brought it home. Many people stopped her but she pledged that day that she will turn that bud into a beautiful flower that will make all the scenes of her life beautiful and extraordinary. She knew that her son was ill. She tried to arrange the doctor and medicines, but I came in between, to show her one more bud, which was lying down on the same street.

She came with me and picked up that bud to give her a life, which would be worth living. She did that to save that bud from the paws of those hungry lions that will grind that bud under their feet within no time. You were the earlier bud and now my adopted daughter is the second bud.”

I was taken aback! This is what my mother was. This is what the word mother means! Life didn’t give me a single chance to understand her and when I got the chance, she was no more. I still find myself numb when I think about those days, I want to confess and give that love from which she stayed aloof her whole life. I sit most of the times near the photo of my mother and ask her- “why did she does this to me, why she didn’t tell her problems and given me a single chance to understand her.” When I got the chance then there was no time to repent! The Game was over!

Dead emotions!
Loads of emotions bundled up inside me,
Is there someone who can ignite me?

Ignite me with the fire of emotions within me,
With a great intemperance it is floating around me.

Meticulously hold those emotions and collect it near me,
Then we both will loose it on the funeral beside me.

Funeral beside me is thy funeral of my emotions,
With whom whole world has played and mocked about it.

But know when I had destroyed all my emotions,
I can fly restfully and carelessly,
Because I have resurrected the life again.

I don't care, I don't get hurt now,
Because the emotions inside me are no more now.
Jaroorath
ज़िन्दगी रुकी सी है,
दिल को जरूरत किसी की है..

आये कोई फ़रिश्ता बन के,
शायद तमन्ना एक इसी की है..

थमी हुई सी धड़कन,
अब इस दिल की है..
आँखों को इन्तेज़ार किसी और का भी है..

कशमकश में लूटा मैं सुबह से रात भर,
दिशा ढूँढने को बेकरार अभी भी है..

कहाँ ले जायेंगे मुझे ये दिन और रात,
क्या यु ही चलेगा ज़िन्दगी का कारवां,किसी और के हाथ,

निकले कोई सार मेरी ज़िन्दगी का,
कहीं उम्र बीत न जाये दूंधने में हर लम्हा ख़ुशी का..
रूह तक छुपा लो मुझे!

इस तरह मिल गए कुछ यूँ मुझसे तेरे ज़ज्बात,
जैसे एक अरसे बाद वापिस आ गयी कोई भूली याद..

मिलते न मुझसे वोह यूँ तो बेहतर था,
जाने और क्या क्या रंग दिखायेंगे तेरे जाने के बाद..

यादों का क्या है, यह तो एक किस्सा भर है,
जो एक कहानी छोड़ जाते है किसी के सुनने के बाद..

पर इन् यादों का पहरा है ही कुछ ऐसा,
ज़िन्दगी भर क लिए आँखों में नमी दे जाते है याद आने के बाद..

रूह तक छुपा लो मुझे, और कभी न छोड़ जाने का वादा कर जाओ,
क्या पता, कल मैं भी एक याद बन जाऊ, सबको यह किस्सा सुनाने के बाद...
sunapan...
सूनी पड़ी वोह डाली उस पेड़ की,
बहार आने के इंतजार में कब से है..

तेरी एक झलक पाने को तरसती आँखें,
छलक जाने को बेताब कब से है..

एक कशमकश सी उठी इस तरह मेरे दिल में है,
जैसे सूनापन फैला हुआ सा आज भरी महफिल में है...

खुशियाँ चारो ओर तेरे बिखरी पड़ी है,
पर एक ग़मगीन मौहौल छुपा हुआ सा कहीं मेरे मन में है..

दूर तक अब कोई किरण दिखाई देती नहीं है,
अँधेरा छाया हुआ सा कुछ इस कदर मेरे पल पल में है..

हवाओं ने भी रुख मोडा हुआ अब हर कदम है,
जिस तरह धकेला मुझे हर बार मेरे अपनों ने है...

जीवन-मृत्यु का भेद अब समझ आता नहीं है,
बस रुकी हुई मेरी हर सांस, एक इंतजार में है..

आँखों का क्या कहना, वोह तो भीगी पड़ी कब से है,
बस एक हाँ की खवाहिश, छलकाने को बेताब उन्हें कब से है...
टूटते बिखरतें रिश्तों का एहसास हो गया!

टूटते बिखरतें रिश्तों का एहसास हो गया,
जब कोई अपना बोहुत खास मुझसे जुदा हो गया..

ज़िन्दगी की कहानी अधूरी छोड़ गया,
और मेरी आँखों मैं हमेशा के लिए नमी दे गया..

अब तो हसी भी भोझ लगने लगी है,
ऐसी मेरी तनहाइयों को वोह हवा दे गया..

लोग कहते है की नींद आती नहीं क्या तुम्हे?
मैं सिर्फ इतना ही कहता हू की..

आँखें तो रोज़ बंद होती है,
पर सोये हुए मुझे एक अरसा हो गया....
आज कुछ ऐसा कर गुजर जाओ!

आज कुछ ऐसा कर गुजर जाओ,
की देखने वालो की रूह जाग जाये...

तुम एक ऊचाई को छुओ,
वोह फलक बाहों में भरने को मचल जाये..

अपनाओ किसी एक को,
रोशन गुलिस्तान उसका बना दो..

देखने वालो के दिलों में,
ऐसा ही कुछ कर गुजरने का ज़ज्बा जगा दो..

जागो..उठो..और आज़ादी का एक शंख बजा दो,
भ्रष्ट राजनीती क दिल मैं, अपने होने का डर जगा दो..

घबराओ मत अकेलेपन के एहसास से,
तुम तो वोह चाँद हो जो हजारों सितारों की रौशनी दबा देता है..
तुम सभी मैं एक चाँद बन ने की ललक जगा दो.......................................
Child Labor
दिल मैं अरमां कितने है,
पर रस्ते का कोई ठिकाना नहीं..

सपने वोह देखते है जिनकी जेबे खनकती है,
दिन रात पिसते रहते है हम,
हमारा नींद से कोई वास्ता ही नहीं..

ज़िन्दगी की खवाहिश है मुझे,
पर कोई रास्ता दिखाई देता नहीं मुझे,

जेब अपनी भरू, या पड़ लिख के कुछ बनू?
क्या करू कुछ भी समझ आता नहीं मुझे..

सपने देखते है वोह अपने आगे बड़ने के,
लेकिन भूखे पेट नींद भी आती नहीं मुझे..
मेरी उम्मीदों का जहाँ अभी और भी है!

मेरी उम्मीदों का जहाँ अभी और भी है,
मेरी ख्वाहिशों की दिशा अभी और भी है..

लाख रोदें बिछा दे मेरी मंजिलों मैं तू चाहे,
मेरे मन मैं हिम्मत और हौसला अभी और भी है..


रूठा हुआ सा मन, कल भले ही था मगर,
आज आशा की किरण नज़र आई मुझे ज़रा सी है...

तू रहे मेरे साथ या दूर हो जाये,
ज़िन्दगी के सफ़र में मेरे रहनुमा अभी और भी है...

अकेले भले ही हु मैं आज, पर कायर नहीं हु,
सपने आज नहीं तो कल पूरे हो ही जायेंगे..

हौसला-अफजाही भले ही न करो तुम,
हमे कदरदान लाखो मिल ही जायेंगे..
ज़ज्बातों की भीड़ !!
ज़ज्बातों की भीड़ में हमे, तनहाइयों ने घेरा है,
चले थे हजारों के साथ, पर फलक के नज़दीक सबने साथ छोडा है..

कभी खुद हमने, तो कभी मुकद्दर ने साथ छोडा है,
एक तेरी याद ही तो है, जिसको अभी तक दिल में अभी तक दबा रखा है,

भागना चाहा था हमने, पर भाग कर क्या मिलेगा ज़िन्दगी से,
होना वही है जो मुकद्दर बनाने वाले ने मेरे लिए सजा रखा है..

चाहा था जिसे वोह आँसू बन गया,
अब वोह ही आसू हमने आँखों में दबा रखा है..

किसी की ज़िन्दगी को अपना अंश और मोहोब्बत को अपना फ़र्ज़ बना रखा है,
हमने तो माना है मोहोब्बत को इबादत, और खुद को एक जोगी बना रखा है..

Monday, June 23, 2008

Are You Afraid Of Politics?????




Anti Corruption Squad is an organisation whose sole aim is to fight against corruption from the grass-root level. There is corruption in every field. You will find powerful suppressing the weak and enjoy exploiting them to the fullest. Anti Corruption Squad is an upcoming online organisation that wants Support, Courage, and Determination of you people to fight against corruption and make India a beautiful place to live in, where every one will be free to move out with complete freedom. We need your support for that majority of people who live each second a miserable life because of corruption. So lend your hand in support and join “US”!


Politics, it is the one word that everyone is scared off. Are you the one I am talking about? No offence, but it is the truth that you have to face. Ask anyone that what they want to be and what are their aims? You will get an answer yourself. Everyone will say they want to be a doctor, a teacher, a scientist, an astrologer, or an MBA, but you will not find a single youngster, who will come forward and tell you that he/she wants to be a politician. People normally have straight fright and they are afraid to go on to the stage but politics fright is the another thing that is emerging at the speed of jet inside the youngsters.


They want to be everything but not a politician. Why they are so much afraid of politics? Everyone has its own perception to deal with the situations. People have this perception that politics today have become a corrupted kingdom, where political leaders rule and act like Czars and we, the common people are like their slaves and they have the full right to exploit us. But do you know who has given these corrupted politicians the seat of the kingdom? It is only we. We have made them kings to rule the country, then why are we so scared of the politicians and the politics?

The political leaders are elected by us only and we should understand this that the responsibility of political leader towards their country and its people possesses a lot of significance. We should give our vote to the best suitable candidate. Politics needs to be more healthy and new innovative ideas are needed to make the picture of the country perfect! I am not denying the fact, that there are some ministers who have made the politics a slum in which not a single youngster will be interested, but then the contradiction starts from here itself and that is to clean the slums, you have to jump into the slums to remove it completely.

Politics is not a bad option to opt for; in fact it shows how responsible you are and how much you think about your country. You need guts to plunge in the scenario of the political affairs. It demands faith, trust, and power. Politics is not a thing to get afraid off; in fact it is the platform to serve people by living in between the people. It is only you and me who can make the life worth living of people around us and remove corruption by joining the politics and removing the corruption from its very first mark. So join hands in support and keep “US” moving for the better future! We will keep on coming for the help of the people who are the culprits of corruption and we will remove it from the base.

Know Yourself To Know More About Corruption!!

Anti Corruption Squad is an organisation whose sole aim is to fight against corruption from the grass-root level. There is corruption in every field. You will find powerful suppressing the weak and enjoy exploiting them to the fullest. Anti Corruption Squad is an upcoming online organisation that wants Support, Courage, and Determination of you people to fight against corruption and make India a beautiful place to live in, where every one will be free to move out with complete freedom. We need your support for that majority of people who live each second a miserable life because of corruption. So lend your hand in support and join “US”!

A man is a social animal and he wants to live life on his own terms. He will not compromise anything that comes in between his success and he will get it by hook or by crook. But does it mean that to get success, you need to choose wrong track? Absolutely not! But people are becoming blind and just to taste a bit of success they deceive, bribe, exploit and in short, become corrupted. People should analyse themselves that where they are moving, which is the right and the wrong track of life, who all are with him and who is standing against and then he should keep his each step very carefully.

Human beings want to live a luxurious life they are more into show off of their goods than their true identity and in search of all these things they go far and compromise with their values. If they don’t get the things easily they know how to twist their finger and get the work done. We, humans forget that what we are? What is our sole aim? We make mistakes and keep on continuing making knowingly. We think that every one is doing and we are not an exception. Why can’t we? No one is bothered, whatever you do. People are busy with their lives and they will not even peek into your matters, whatever you do.

Tell me how many of us will not hesitate in giving bribe, when necessary? We all will give, but then again the question arises that are you capable of distinguishing between the wrong and the right and to blame the politician or other people being corrupted? No you are not! Because it is aptly said that a sinner is a bigger criminal of the sin he has committed. If you give and take bribe you are equally responsible of your wrong gesture and marching ahead in making the society more corrupt. The one who has given and the one who has received, they both will be called corrupted and are equally responsible.

People are becoming corrupted and they fulfil the unwanted needs and the demands of other people just for the sake of getting their things done. It makes me very aggressive when people blame politician for the mounting corruption and forget what we are! We need to analyze ourselves and change the superfluous habits that we are engulfed in, if we talk about any change in the country and to make the other realise their mistakes then knowing yourself is a must. It is we who make the “Nation”. If you really want to do something for the country and want to stand against the corrupted people then you yourself should be strong enough to face the challenges of the society.


You should know your true self. What you want, where you want to see your coming generations should stand? It is all in your hand. It is the high time now to make it or to break it. Start analyzing yourself and in place of becoming the victim, be the judge of your own principles. Make the future better for the coming generation give them harmony, peace, and love and not just the breast-beating and crawling, terrible politics. Know more about the politics and believe me it is not at all spoiled as you think so! Join politics and help us in getting success in turning the lights off, of corruption forever! We will talk about the politics, because we have to be the part of the system to make it better.

What Exactly You Mean By Corruption?????

Anti Corruption Squad is an organisation whose sole aim is to fight against corruption from the grass-root level. There is corruption in every field. You will find powerful suppressing the weak and enjoy exploiting them to the fullest. Anti Corruption Squad is an upcoming online organisation that wants Support, Courage, and Determination of you people to fight against corruption and make India a beautiful place to live in, where every one will be free to move out with complete freedom. We need your support for that majority of people who live each second a miserable life because of corruption. So lend your hand in support and join “US”!


What is corruption? Corruption is directly associated with doing something unethical or harm someone knowingly, the harm could be of anything like money, life, emotions and respect. If I ask you that what do you mean by corruption, how would you define it? You will only say that politicians are corrupted and politics is an arena of corrupted politicians. Politicians suck the blood of the common masses and enjoy living luxurious life by making the common people’s life hell. But hey! Wait! Did you ever realise that from where these corrupted politicians have come from? And who are we to blame them? If you look into your “self” you will find that you are the most corrupted than any politician in the constitution.

Everyone is corrupted and do some or the other things and fall under this category. Then why to blame only politicians? Ask yourself and you will get an answer that where are you moving. Corruption has engrossed each and every one of us in its web and it is there in every filed you go. A sweeper to a teacher and doctor to a shopkeeper everyone is corrupted. These people do some or the other unethical thing in order to achieve something.

Students give donations to get admission in some top most institutes, officials ask bribe to get some few extra money from the old people to give their pensions, cops ask bribe to suppress any criminal case, judge and advocate also fill their bags and swap the cases and make an innocent a criminal. All these are the normal and very popular examples of being corrupted.

Okay let me ask you one more thing, if you want your passport and visa urgently, but it is being delayed out of some or the other problem then what will you do? You will surely give bribe to the official and get your passport and visa done on time. What is this? This is what you call corruption. So Corruption is a well-adapted phenomenon by each one of us. It is something that is eating the core of our hearts and forces us to behave unethically. So, it is not genuine to blame politicians for their unethical gestures so called “Corruption”. We need to look where we are heading in our lives. What we want to achieve? Is there any alternative of any problem that can be sorted out without being corrupted? We need deep answers to all these questions.

But does the definition of corruption restrict here itself? No! It is not restricted to only unethical behaviour that comes out of greed to get something, but it is directly related to our conscience and our intrinsic truth. Corruption is a wide chapter to understand and to remove though. We just cannot blame a few handful people for corruption. We need to look far beyond that and that is in “us”. Get ready to know more about corruption, about you, about politicians, and about the political arena called “The Constitution of India” in the simplest way. Join the league with us to understand and fight against corruption!!!!